The word incognito means having one’s true identity concealed. New York Times article, “Prized for His Aggression, Incognito Struggled to Stay in Bounds,” described Richie Incognito’s childhood experience as “…the teasing he endured as a kid.” It seems that Richie was bullied for being overweight and being more sensitive than other boys. His father pushing Richie to retaliate by causing physical harm to other kids may have not been a good parental advice. If Richie’s true innate identity is one of being sensitive to others, a powerful quality to have, his father’s advice to act in violence may have gone against Richie’s good nature. That is, concealing and preventing Richie from being who he may be, a kind person. Yet, there is never an excuse for a professional athletic to use derogatory terms against other players, or anyone for that matter.
Exceptional professional football players like Michael Oher, displayed such acts of integrity by being assertive as portrayed in the movie “The Blind Side.” Michael Oher applies assertiveness skills on how to use aggression effectively to win games and gain the respect from teammates and staff. Aggression alone refers to attacking the integrity and personhood of another. When this occurs, this type of aggression stems from unresolved childhood pitfalls. The opposite of aggression is passiveness. Passive behavior is when one lacks the ability to express one’s needs effectively, then redirects unfulfilled dreams to self destructive behaviors such as abusing alcohol or unconsciously sabotaging ones career. However, using Assertiveness skills helps meet your needs and makes your dreams come true without attacking the rights of others.
It seems that Richie, as a kid was not taught how to use assertiveness skills, which may have affected his self-esteem and self-image. Maybe if he was shown to be assertive, Richie may have been able to unite his sensitive personality trait with his love for football, a game that requires effective and productive aggression to “Stay in Bounds.”
How to gain assertiveness skills? Personal Revolution Therapy (PRT) teaches one to be assertive by applying PRT’s four simple mental techniques. Not only will PRT help in learning assertiveness skills but will help resolve those unresolved childhood emotional pitfalls.
It is football season again and as a big football fan, I enjoy watching football athletics play the game with such skill and grace. However, as a frontline researcher for Alzheimer’s disease, I always worry about football athletics getting a concussion, including high school football players. I have discovered that many young athletes who suffer a concussion during play do not always show immediate signs of permanent memory problems. What I have found was that men in their 50’s, who played contact sports as teenagers, and reported incidents of concussion during their young, many now suffer from memory problems.
It is only now that high school communities are taking action to help prevent these young kids, who play contact sports, from developing memory problems later in life. The Michigan High School Athletic Association seems to have launched such efforts. The association appears to train coaches in how to administer sideline concussion testing, This testing helps determine if an athlete is at a higher risk and needs removal of the game for safety reasons. It also helps keep track of these incidents more closely as part of the prevention program. I believe this is a good start and a way to prevent our kids from having memory problems later in life.
BBC News said that the Parent Television Council (PTC) issued a complaint over Miley Cyrus’s sexually provocative performance at the MTV VMAs. This incident was not the first time that a celebrity’s performance exhibited inappropriate sexual innuendos to a program that is viewed by many minors, and it will not be the last. Children and adolescents whose parents do not provide their kids with proper guidance on how to have a healthy understanding about sex are influenced to act impulsively sexually by what they see in the media. Social media as a whole does not care about the ethics or morals of how adolescents should behave sexually. Most social media only care about ratings and profits. If PTC is doing its part to culturally shape public perception which in turn influences political action, parents must do their part to educate their children about sex and help them express to their own sexuality with self-respect and integrity. The problem arises is that most parent do not know how to talk to their children/adolescents about sex.
Personal Revolution Therapy provide parents with step by step guidance on how to talk to their kids about sex. First, before diving into talking to your kid about sex, parents must set a platform before discussing to topic of sex. What kind of platform? A platform that clearly states to your child that by talking about sex that they will not get them into trouble. There exceptions to the rule however and they should be stated up front. Tell your child that, if they hear something that could directly cause harm to them, same as using drugs, that it is the role of the parent to take proper action to protect them immediately.
Second, when talking to kids about sex, parents need to do more listening than talking. When we lecture children about sex, they usually tune out. The goal is to have an open discussion about sex. How does a parent start listening? A parent starts listening by posing non-judgmental questions. For example, “What does sex mean to you?” By posing open ended and non-judgmental questions, kids are more likely to talk more. When kids began sharing about their views about sex, parents can take note on how that child perceives sex. Most kids have inmate healthy boundaries. Parents just need to reassure them that is ok to implement them without peer pressure or media influence.
The third goal is to help your children think for themselves. When kids become self-thinkers they tend to act more responsible. By helping your child see for themselves that certain acts viewed on TV or see something in their peers that are unhealthy, their own instincts tell them that it just doesn’t feel right, your child the can make their decision to avoid those sexual acts, therefore, building healthy views about sex that can later be transcended in entering into a healthy intimate relationship as adults.
A group of lions is called a pride. It gives the impression that lions are proud of their own family members. Unfortunately, each year during the holiday season, few family members talk about how proud they are in being part of their own family. Instead, many complain how unpleasant they feel toward those family members who have caused them emotional pain . Their voices drag halfhearted with fake smiles, as their internal thoughts lingers of aged resentment all throughout the holidays.
Too often puns are used as a passive-aggressive acts of expressing dissatisfaction for ones own family. For example, “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” “Let’s have a family gathering for the remaining family members who still speak to each other.”
No therapist or self-help book is going to help solve your family problems in time for the holidays if you have not started working on how to improve that relationship months or years ago. However, you have two choices. One, you can bitch and complain about how unfair your unfavorable family members have been to you. Or, you can take a deep breath and “let go” of the resentment during the holidays. I don’t mean forgiving or forgetting. I am also not referring to “positive psychology” as if just by thinking positive your problems will be resolved. Whatever the reasons are, justified or not, as to why you feel this way, these issues ARE emotionally deeply rooted in the dynamics between your relationship with that conflicted family member or members.
Personal Revolution Therapy (PRT) offers real mental tools for coping with family relationship problems during this holiday season, without having false expectations that “Everything is going to be alright” for the holidays. First, take a deep breath to help stop those negative images toward that unwanted family member or members. If those images persist, you need to take an extra minute and pray to help clear your head. Never underestimate the power of prayer. Second, allow yourself to understand that nothing can be done now during the holidays to improve that relationship, especially if no efforts were made to improve that relationship throughout the year. The real truth is that you and you alone have control of your own feelings, thoughts, and actions. You do have control on how you want to respond to unwanted family members, no matter how subtle and pretentious your actions can show during the holidays. You need to take accountability to decide whether you are to be in a bad mood or not. Do not blame the other family member for your mood. Lastly, Once you recognize that you are emotionally in charge of your own feelings and thoughts, you will find yourself genuinely “Letting go. ” By “Letting go,” you will take the best possible action toward that family member by walking away if that family members begins with his/her shenanigans. Do not let them ruin your holiday.
Dr. James Triana